Livin' life, lovin' you.

   We witness beauty, the aesthetics of this world, and we are mesmerized.  The most awe inspiring of this beauty, though, cannot be witheld by our vision.  This beauty is experienced by the other senses.  To close your eyes and feel the strength of the blowing gales, or the soft caress of a warm lover.  To inhale the crisp morning air which invigorates your soul, or to smell the sweet fields of wildflowers sprawled across the landscape.  And, to know this world you live in is very much alive.

   This, my dear friend, is true beauty..

Sitting, waiting.. Watching the dance and wishing. Alone you sit, merriment surrounding. But it is lost on you! Why are you, one of beauty, so lost? The tumbling of the dancers in these halls of gold invite all to their dance of love. Yet you… You cast yourself in shadow! The lords weep, for it is such a pity. They see your beauty and wonder why it must waste.

But who are they to judge? You wonder to yourself. Is beauty not from within? I am the same as all in these merry halls filled with laughter. Why must I be so special? Give me an answer and I will join. But I doubt you can answer me. The world lives in shallow judgement. Dance! Dance ye dancers of this cruel, shallow place. Who’s walls are far too golden for my taste. Who’s dancers are far too merry. Are they truly happy? Escape is all they do. Run from the beast that haunts their sleep and stalks them in daylight.

This beast carries many names, loneliness, jealousy, greed, rage… It grabs hold of the soul. It rends the heart and leaves one to live a destitute existence.

Yet we welcome the beast to our own homes! We invite our own self-destruction. Then we tell ourselves how happy we are that we did as our existence slowly crumbles. I will have no part of it.

And you ask me why I do not dance. As you see a golden hall of love and merriment, I do not. All around me, I see the ugly beast. It is in every dancer, it stares at me in anticipation… With beady eyes, sharp with lust and malice. It feeds off the golden walls and false feelings of happiness.

Save me.

Anonymous: Is there something in your past you would change given the opportunity?

That’s rather difficult… I’ve always been of the mindset that the past has happened and there is no need to look back at mistakes. Just look forward and keep on marching with new knowledge in your arsenal.

But, for the sake of the question I would say I would change my past obsession with games.  I grew up fairly lonely and independent.  I learned to attach to games to kill time and kind of throw my mind out of the loop for awhile.  I have since grown out of it, but games definitely affected my school career.